Artistic Musings

The death of a friend completely derailed my focus on everything about a month ago...  a death of an even closer friend derailed everything recently.  My footing is teneous and I keep wanting to distract myself from all things..  I have thrown myself into work, I have thrown myself into trying to heal. My creativity needs to get back on track.  I need to set a time of day that is  no disrupt time that I can draw, create, craft.  I think my quest to survive has been so all consuming because I am so far below the poverty line that any issue can tank my battleship so hard I could loose my apartment and all I have..  it is hard to have that tearing at the back of your mind all the time.  Food stamps and donations from a local food pantry has literally been and saved my bacon and fed my kids.  The need for a schedule that allows me to take care of my kids has been important.  So I worked part time at Starbucks - they have ben amazing but ...

The quest for monies took all my minutes and brain powers this last week.  January quest was stopped at drawing #9. Quest complete - but not completed. Now on to the next quest!  (can't stop the momentum - just need to keep showing up to the canvas) February is a sketchbook diary - something I have wanted to try for awhile now. I am three days into February and just starting - so behind but not behind.  Just need to get my journal set up for three pictures at least and keep going.  I will post pictures here as well as my Instagram account which can be found here:  https://www.instagram.com/tina.nordloh/ The day is almost half over - time to get my journal going :D

Last night I made it to the art canvas.  I finished the head of the Quetzcoatl and left him as just a stone head.  He felt finished as a sketch.  I moved on to the the next item on the list for the #Creatuanary2019 challenge for the hydra.  I did a bit of research to see what people had done and found some wonderful and amazing pieces!!  I set aside the imagry that had filled my computer and laid down a basic head shape and some circles for eyes, and then dove in..  It gained a life of it's own that was not a hydra of any kind, more of a moth muppet/puppy that really really wants to play...  so I went with it.  He is as of yet unfinished - but he's still showing me where his lines are.  The canvas is finally speaking to me again after a very long hiatus of not listening.  I can feel the stirrings of a new and stronger relationship with the images that are waiting to become visual under my fingers and imagination.  For now - ...

Three and a half years have gone by since my last post.  I know what happened.  I joined college and went to upper L classes pretty quick.  It was taking all my time and then some just to get through the classes.  I currently have 14 more classes left before I graduate - but I had to step back.  My boys are close to graduating High School and they are needing me more now than ever in different ways.  They need me to pay attention to their needs for travel, social activites and such - but they also need me to be present.  The circumstance that forced me to quit was rather awful - but we made it through and I realized just how un-focused I was. I have created for school - but not really for myself.  And to be honest I was only creating with a tiny portion of who I am that felt safe at the time.  Alot of my work that came out of college was very child like - my professional side got buried and was so busy hiding that I honestly was only functi...

I cannot believe it has been well over a year since I have blogged anything on this!!!  It has taken awhile to heal from my divorce.  A long while actually.  That's ok - taking the time to get in touch with who I am and what I want to do has been worth it.  Finding the passions and lovely things that make me come alive - also worth it!! I am back on track though - I have a new artist way group on Facebook that anyone can come check out: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Artist-Way-cluster-2014/687471234673919  that I will be posting all kinds of Art things - and I have a Facebook business page as well https://www.facebook.com/pages/PrismCanvas/278882082153919  Feel free to like one or both!!! I am actively doing the Artist Way again and am currently on week three of the program.  It has created a great deal of inspiration and I hope to be posting my creative ideas and concepts soon!!  I am more in a leadership role at the moment, and am movi...

I am still quite intermittent with my posts just yet.  I hope to get my blog a bit more regular as well as my twitter site.  I am entering two art shows in the next couple weeks and I am so very excited.  They are convention shows - with a large gathering of people interested in fantasy and art.  It is the perfect way to help me set dead lines and actually get artwork done.  plus the shows are low cost, and don't have to be manned by setting up a tent, tables, and all the fixings.  It is a good way for me to get my toe back in the water. The first con is Nan Desu Kan - an anime convention - and I am SOO excited to go and be a part of it all!!  I plan to take all my artwork down Friday night and get set up!!  I don't have a costume perse..  but I do enjoy the whole genre!!  I am enjoy Animation exploration so much - and the best part is I get so share alot of it with my kiddos.  We just finished watching "Soul Eater"  and are ...

There are few things that can affect an artist more than living life through the difficult parts that threaten to tear a person apart.  It has been hard to draw, I lost my faith, I lost my focus, and i lost my drive to really dive into the creative world for a time.  I have touched upon it now and again as if to test if there was still something there - and in those moments when I am creating I feel so alive..  and then it would fade into the drama of life again.  I know the recipe to keep creating - I have walked the artists way a few times - I've been in shows and art guilds and inspired to create some amazing things that still give me pause to that whole "did I DO THAT!!"  I have seen children inspired by the things I was working on and creating - I have seen children take the craft supplies I offered, the bit of basic instruction and create in ways that will forever live in my heart in happy smiles!!  I know what to do!! Doing it though - and keep d...

Tonight I buckled down and started looking at my finances and what I have and haven't done artistically in sales this year. First let me explain - I have done hardly anything to make or push any kind of sales. Everything I have currently is sort of on automatic pilot - a couple things on Etsy, some images on a public forum on Cafe Press, and my very outdated webpage - of which I'm not even certain which email it's supposed to send to if people have questions *blush* Alot of cleaning needs to be done to at least give a fresh start to the remainder of this year, and the beginning of next year. I sat down and hand wrote all the various things I want to (and need to) keep a record of. I got out an archaic 3 ring binder with tabs and paper. I realize that the computer is more efficient - but there is something fun about having a tangible book to play with and decorate and .. well - be artistic with as well as logical. Then I started looking at the sites i do play on and s...

I am so pleased with tonight. I made alot of progress on my battle plan, and some real forward movement into the future. I still have quite the to do list, but at the top of that is to get to bed at a reasonable time so I can hit it again in the morning. There is nothing standing in my way anymore from seriously pursuing what I want to do, and what I believe I can do. The sky is the limit and now is the best time to begin. I have had so much on hold for so long - I'm just busting at the seams to get ready and start making this real. There are no rules - I can make, draw, sculpt, create anything I like as long as I have the supplies. I don't have to stick to one particular thing - it's fluid right now. The more I do the more I'll find my style and my flavor in what I like. It's very exciting, and worth every ounce of belief in myself. This is for me, for my boys, for our future together. A step - a breath - a beginning

It's now November, and alot of changes have occurred in my life. I haven't glanced at or even looked at my website in nearly a year - not really looked at it. It's time to clean house, add new artwork, and delete old outdated stuff from it's hallowed pages. I have new friends with lovely websites that I would love to link, and I refuse to put their work on an old outdated website that has enough dust to be a health hazard. it's time to rebuild, rethink, and believe again. I have alot of work to do - so I will keep this short and add updates as I go along. Cheers :D

So in the self help book Artist Way it starts you dreaming and writing what you really want. You work through projects and ideas to break down blocks and fears and hesitations that tend to get into the way. I have read this book 4 times - once all the way through, twice to chapter 10 and then stopped for one reason or another. I didn't believe as firmly as I do these days. The book helped me get half way until I made some drastic changes and sought out therapy. These changes have been hard, but I'm better and stronger for it - and am so very glad I sought out therapy to help with everything All that is just part of what's going on right now. My excitement stems from the revival of an old dream. A set of early reader children's books I came up with before my kiddos were born. The idea is for me to both write and illustrate these books - every single one. The ideas have been rattling in the back of my mind wanting to see the light of day. I think it's time t...

The house is quiet. It is strange still not having my kids full time. I thought I would find myself endlessly creating with wild abandon. That hasn't been the case. In fact most of the time I spend the time reflecting on what makes me tick. I have told my therapist I am my own best subject - I honestly mean it. I have turned my life inside out and backwards in my mind in the attempt to seek a healthy mentality. My life isn't that different from most people - we all have our trials and our tribulations. We all face challenges in a myriad of ways and live the life we've been given in the ways we see fit. What I'm finding as the days pass and I get used to being on my own is that creativity still runs through my veins as strongly as ever. It is presenting itself in different ways though. I write alot more, I've reinvented my wardrobe, My arrangements are getting better and quicker. My jewelry is taking on a whole new flavor, and I have a collection of sh...

As time passes and I learn to live on my own and face my own fears of being alone I find that there is a tsunami of emotions I've not allowed myself to feel. These emotions have stood in the way of my artwork and free creation. They have stopped me with guilt from throwing myself fully into a moment to feel it entirely. My artwork comes from my passions, my heart, my soul, my whimsy and my desire to explore the unseen. I have allowed others to stop me and I have stopped myself from allowing that to shine - to really come forth and present itself in the form of images, written words, and physical representation. As I release the emotions of guilt, fear, trepidation and pain I am starting to see a whole new landscape before me. One where magic exists in the pages of my sketch books, where powerful landscapes and figures jump out of my daydreams and want to show themselves to the world decked out with their weapons, armor and various trinkets. Among my insane amounts of ...

So much has changed since my last post, and yet in a way nothing has changed. I am still seeking balance within myself. I am still trying to figure out what life and living is. The one answer I have found to be true is that I wasn't being true to myself. Due to that real failing towards myself I couldn't be much for anyone else around me. The past couple of months I have made tough decisions for the betterment of all. Some have called those decisions selfish - but if they had walked in my shoes and saw and felt what I felt they may or may not have made the same decisions. I don't posses any mind other than my own - and therefore cannot make any decisions beyond those I feel are the best for myself and my children at the time the decision is made. As a result of those decisions I sit in my own place, an apartment I now call home filled with light and color. There has been a series of emotional battles fought upon these floors - all within my own mind and heart. At f...

Here I sit looking at my computer while my family sleeps. My mind is going in circles over the movies I've just watched. The Book of Eli and then followed by Pandorium . I can't help but feel there is a personal message I'm just barely touching upon. A concept that hasn't quite sunk in that I'm missing. In the Tarot deck there are several cards where the person is chained or tied up - and the chains are broken. They are choosing to stay in their own paradigm out of fear to reach out to another life, or lifestyle. To break out of the "norm" into a happier life. I am certain that is what I have been doing. In The Book of Eli he is on a path of faith, of ultimate faith. Somewhere along the line I've lost that and just lived the life by going through the motions instead of REALLY living my life. In Pandorium perception twists the mind and causes so many issues for those that are awake on the ship. If they had just made different choices, learn...

Life has taken a loop de loop course and lead me directly back here. Funny how that happens. I am now working full time as a florist in a little floral shop inside a grocery store. It has been so good to get out of the house and learn a new trade. I have found that as long as I'm working with my hands I am happy. There are so many things to make and do and create!! I am signed up for and preparing to start an 11 week course in Floral design starting July 5, 2010. I am so excited. I am doing this for several reasons - among them a pay raise, and more knowledge to pull from in regards to what I'm doing. I also just want to be certified :D It is expensive to take, but not nearly as expensive as the bachelors degree that I am also planning on taking as soon as I have the first semesters monies saved up. I'm still oscillating on the actual degree. I would love to be a full on Graphic artist/illustrator - but I also enjoy web design. We'll see where it lands. Eit...

The first moments of the new year finds me in deep contemplation of my path as an artist. I think this year is the perfect time to start really pushing the envelope and see what I can do. Saw Avatar with my family tonight to ring in the new year - it was perfect and beautiful and inspiring and wow - ooooh wow. The perfect way to ring in the new year. Blessings to you all - may this year find you inspired, creating, and happy!

So I'm a bit out of practice drawing people. A dear friend asked me to draw some images for her. I tried and had a hard time. My publisher and friend recommended "How to Draw Lifelike Portraits from Photographs" by Lee Hammond. It is an excellent book and helped a great deal in the techniques and tools needed to do what I was struggling with. I had a book, the tools, and a fear in my gut that I wouldn't do well I couldn't get rid of. Through the year I have had many distractions some life made some self made. Yet the fear remained. I couldn't pin point it or even find it. I just knew every time I tried to draw the images something would go wrong and it would come out looking more like Frankenstein than the wonderful adorable children it was supposed to look like. Yesterday my determination kicked in. I can do this, I know I can do this, I've done it before successfully - so what is the issue. Come hell or high water I decided I was going to tack...

A Poem by Christina Nordloh written on Halloween 2009 I must have appeared As a drowning woman To those that saw me there Floundering and gurgling In the warm summer air Upside down and backwards a shadow of herself Grasping at nothing As I talked about saving myself Kicking this way and that A fool at best From the shore Those that could see Knew my efforts were fruitless In the shallows of the pool Their shouts did no good Nor did lectures or silence For Floundering was my choice Until something changed This morn when I awoke And placed my foot down I found purchase on solid ground and stood The water only reaching my waist Upon the empty shore A sign did read "Now pick a direction and see where it leads!"

I woke with a start from a dream where I was 17 again. Yet I had all the memories from where I am now, and even a sketchbook of all the pieces I had created between now and then. It was a wild dream. It got me thinking of all the things I would change if I were to do it all over again - what would they be. Since I lack the time machine, or the ability to go backwards in time - I can only grasp what I would and can change from here. What do I want to be, as opposed to what I am allowing myself to be. Procrastination seems to be the theme for this year. Not on purpose - but as a side effect as I muddle through an ocean of emotions and thoughts. I would love to say I have been drawing and creating every day. That my focus is on creating beauty that shines from within. In reality I have been growing and changing as a person, and realizing some of my dreams that I have let slip by over the years. I give my power to others and then make excuses when I don't take the reigns of m...