3am

Here I sit looking at my computer while my family sleeps. My mind is going in circles over the movies I've just watched. The Book of Eli and then followed by Pandorium. I can't help but feel there is a personal message I'm just barely touching upon. A concept that hasn't quite sunk in that I'm missing. In the Tarot deck there are several cards where the person is chained or tied up - and the chains are broken. They are choosing to stay in their own paradigm out of fear to reach out to another life, or lifestyle. To break out of the "norm" into a happier life. I am certain that is what I have been doing. In The Book of Eli he is on a path of faith, of ultimate faith. Somewhere along the line I've lost that and just lived the life by going through the motions instead of REALLY living my life. In Pandorium perception twists the mind and causes so many issues for those that are awake on the ship. If they had just made different choices, learned to step outside of the prison they saw themselves in, everything would have been different.

My ramblings are an attempt to find out what I am seeking - where I need to go and what I need to do. I am an artist, I am learning to be a florist, I am a mother and I've been what my perception of a wife was - although I am certain at this point that perception is rather flawed due to my up bringing. I have lived with our friends at a distance - not to keep them at bay - but because that was our lifestyle. I miss my friends. I miss barbecues and hanging out. I miss dancing and playing - and water balloon fights and camping and so many things that I used to call normal. Now we just live in our four walls - interacting only when reality deems we leave the house. This is not living - and my lack of artwork has been a clear sign to me that I'm not happy. I'm not depressed - I just have to break the bonds of my illusionary prison and reach out to humanity in an attempt to find like minds.

Outside this bubble I live within is a world full of life. It's time I joined in the quest for purpose, friendship and living. I do mean join too, with my head held high, a smile upon my lips and a heart filled with fun. I am done hiding - to the friends that know me, and those getting to know me - come out, come out wherever you are - it's time to play :D

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